"Guest" post: The points system: When you can't do it all. Learning to breastfeed triplets, part 1

For "Throwback Thursday" this week we have a special guest post by Michelle, reflecting back on the most helpful advice she got from a lactation consultant while trying to "do it all" surviving the first week of breastfeeding triplets.  Here's Michelle!

I initially set out to write a product review and realized that I really wanted to talk about what I've learned about breastfeeding and then do the product review of Rumina's pump&nurse products. (stayed tuned for this in pt. 2)

I really knew very little about breastfeeding before the trio were born.  I had seen others do it of course and I knew from friends that it was not going to be super easy or awesome at first.  Mari had been pumping for months, so I'd seen her do that, but I really didn't know the mechanics of pumping either.  We had visited a lactation consultant (LC) before the babies were born and while she was enthusiastic and supportive, she didn't get into "how to's" at all.

When the babies were born (via c-section at 34 wks), I was told to pump within 2 hours, but was still in "recovery" and Mari was in the NICU with the babies, so I wasn't sure how to begin! Thankfully a LC visited to walk me through that first dairy cow-like experience of hooking my udders, er breasts, up to the pump.  I don't remember too many details from the first week of nursing because the combination of pain meds, sleep deprivation, and the stress of having three babies in the NICU leads to memory loss, literally! But I do remember that it felt very stressful and exhausting. I know I sought out help from the LCs at the hospital often and remember it feeling rather unhelpful with one exception: a very seasoned and practical LC who taught me a valuable lesson that I wanted to share with new nursing moms!

Because we had three babies to feed, we had to work hard to establish a good milk supply. While the babies were in the NICU we were told to pump every 2 hrs during the day and at least every 4 hours at night and to definitely get 8 times in 24 hours.  This is in addition to attempting to nurse the babies so they could learn to nurse and recovering from major surgery! (Not to mention visiting with a million doctors coming to check on me and/or the babies).  While I don't remember details, I clearly remember feeling completely overwhelmed with trying to fit so many things into a 24 hr period! Oh, and of course, I was also being told to rest (sleep is important for milk supply) and eat (a healthy diet, also important for milk supply).  I literally could NOT follow all the advice! 

I was feeling stressed about getting enough nursing and pumping in during each 24 hr period and am so thankful for the advice of the seasoned LC who taught me a system that helped me find some balance.  She told me to think of "things good for milk supply" as a whole and to give myself points for everything that met the definition. If I took a nap, I got points! If I tried nursing babies, more points! Kangaroo care? Points! Pumping? Points. She made me feel like I didn't have to, and really couldn't, do it all and that was okay.   If I couldn't nurse them, then pump. If I couldn't pump, eat a good lunch and cuddle with a baby.  It all counted!

This was such a relief to me.  I still tried to pump and nurse as often as possible, but I stopped being rigid about doing it all so many times per day!  Letting go of that let me focus more on enjoying our three precious babies.

cuddle time with Avery? Points...

Kangaroo care with Ellie? Points...

taking a nap? Points...
(no I didn't REALLY nap with all 3 in bed covered in a sheet, but it did make a cute pic!)

Part 2...what happens when three babies and two nursing moms leave the hospital? Coming soon...

A day in the life...with 3-4 month old triplets

I've been meaning to write an updated version of our "day in the life" post for weeks now and just haven't managed to get started. By the time you finish reading this post I think you'll understand why. Here's an average day these days: (we've essentially been on the same schedule since two and a half or three months)

7ish- Wake up & eat (most days Isaiah is our alarm clock). We each nurse one baby in our room while, hopefully, baby #3 is still sleeping. Feedings are generally taking about 20-25 min most times. We keep hearing this shoud be getting faster & it is, but not as quickly as we'd like. They are sometimes finishing in 15 minutes though.  Hopefully that is a trend!

7:30- Michelle feeds #3 & I change stinky overnight diapers, most often poopy. All babies get Zantac for reflux.

7:45-Playtime-Usually in the activity gym in our bedroom (Some days this is about when I leave for a work visit, leaving Michelle to get everyone down). Baby 3 gets changed.

8:30ish- Babies 1 & 2 start getting sleepy and get put down for a nap.   Nap time routine is a song or two and then down in their cribs. (Some days they're back down as early as 8/8:15 if they seem really sleepy). If we're both home one of us might get a shower while there's only one baby awake or go make breakfast.

9ish-Baby #3 goes down & moms eat breakfast if we haven't already squeezed it in cuz we were starving.  Usually enough time to get dressed, brush teeth, etc too.

9:30-Babies 1 & 2 wake up and eat...feeding party has moved to the living room now.

10-Two diapers & playtime in activity gym, bumbo, tummy time, etc.  Baby 3 up to eat (This is another time I might head out for work visit & be back by 12 or after baby 3 eats I send Michelle to the bedroom to do homework while I handle the babies.)

10:30-Diaper time for baby #3 who then joins playtime in the living room.

11ish-Babies 1 & 2 go down There's always about a 15 min leeway on either side for naps that vary between 45 min to a little over an hour. So if they seem like they're getting sleepy earlier, down they go.  If one baby wakes up early, lately they've been content to have some quiet time in the swing until baby 2 wakes up to eat..usually no more than ~15 min.

11:15/30- Baby 3 down for nap & moms get laundry moving, eat lunch, or maybe Michelle tries to do a quick homework task or make a meal plan. (Note the OR in the above statement! There's typically time for one task...especially when one of the first two down wakes up early or baby #3 has a hard time going down.)

12- Babies up to eat (As before baby 3 is 15-30 behind 1 & 2)

Repeat feeding-diaper-playtime-nap cycles with feedings around 2:30 & 5. Difference being that as the day progresses naps get harder and less consistent, often needing more intervention to get them to sleep, which means we get less done.

7:30-Start bedtime routine. For this cycle we do diaper changes first, getting them in their overnight diapers. Then we swaddle them, nurse them, read a couple books, sing our goodnight version of Frere Jaques and lay them in their crib, drowsy but awake. Typically, they all go down pretty easily with minimal fighting. If they do fight it, we set a 5min timer before going in to soothe. That's usually all it takes before they are off to dreamland.  This is the longest stretch of sleep, typically from about 8:30/9 to between 1 & 2. Some nights we have an early wake up but they usually soothe themselves back to sleep. On really lucky nights they might sleep until 2:30.

9-9:30-We get ourselves ready for bed, prep nighttime snacks, and pump right before bed. We are typically in bed by 9:15/9:30.

1 or 2a.m.-First night feeding. These night feedings are all business. Everyone stays swaddled, eats in the dark in our bedroom, and right back down. Usually no problems going back down though a few times lately Avery has gotten upset when we lay her back down. We do a quick pump after this feeding too because even though it means less sleep, it's a lot easier to pump at night than it is during the day now. The babies are just too busy for us to pump during the day now. Hopefully our milk supplies will keep up. So far so good. Our snack for this feeding is almost always an apple cut into thin slices.

4/5a.m.- 2nd night feeding. Same as the first only we don't pump after this one since by the time they're all back in bed we usually only have an hour or two left to sleep. Some days, like when I have an 8am visit or Michelle is feeling particularly stressed about school we just stay up after this feeding. It's a hard choice to make, but we usually get a lot done when we do it. As you can see from the schedule above, the longest window we have to accomplish any task is about 30 minutes and if we stay up after this feeding we might have almost 90 minutes of continuous time to work, which feels like an eternity. But, when we do stay up, we've generally gotten about 6 hours of sleep so we can't do this all the time or we get worn down.

And then we start it all over again around 7a.m.!  We keep waiting for their cycles to stretch out a bit, but they're just not ready yet, I guess. They are pretty good at letting us know when they need to sleep and are very clear about when they need to eat!!

And that's our life these days! Whew, anyone else feel tired just reading this?!

Lots of sleepy babies

When reality TV & a game show meet

Sometimes that's what our life feels like these days. The idea for this post came to me in the kitchen the other day as I was rushing around like a mad woman trying to whip up some dinner before time was up, i.e., the babies woke up. I felt a bit like Top Chef or some food network show where contestants have 20 minutes to make an elaborate meal!  

The other afternoon I had a similar feeling as I tried to make a kale salad for dinner later. Only in this version of the game show, random distraction tasks kept being thrown at the contestants as they tried to cook--let the dog out, now run to the basement to switch diaper laundry, let the dog back in, go soothe a crying baby,  back to cooking. Oh wait, rush back to get crying baby before that baby wakes the other two. Try to finish whipping up dressing while bouncing crying baby in one arm before the other two wake up to eat!  Uh oh, time's up! :) I managed to get all the pieces done but didn't get to "plate" my kale with wild rice, roasted squash, feta, & pomegranate salad, but heck, we couldn't eat until after feeding babies anyway, so that could wait!

Parenting tips for triplets (or anyone really)

We certainly don't claim to be parenting experts (far from it!), but here are a few things I've been thinking about lately that I think are good tips for parents of multiples.  Really, they probably apply to all parents of newborns, but to the Nth degree for parents of multiples!

1. Get comfortable with crying. Face it, crying happens. And when you have three babies, sometimes there's no way around it.  Waiting is hard whether it's waiting to be picked up or waiting to eat and since newborns can't be rationalized with, they're going to cry. Unless you're an octopus with incredible multitasking skills, sometimes you just can't make everyone happy at the same time!  And in those moments where the crying is getting to you and making you feel a good dose of mommy guilt, just remember that kids are resilient and as long as they are safe, a little crying is really okay and will not do irreparable harm! And sometimes we all just need a good cry don't we? (And yes, that applies to mommies too!)

2. Chocolate & wine! (Or whatever your favorite treat is) Do NOT run out of these things!  We've found that just a small glass of wine &/or bit of chocolate to be a necessity some evenings to help settle frayed nerves after a couple of "bad naps." If you have triplets and have to ask "what's a bad nap?" You should be very thankful & pray that your luck holds out. (I know that for some moms chocolate seems to have a noticeable affect on the babies & I'm so thankful that doesn't seem to be the case for us!)

3. Pandora or your favorite tunes that you can turn on to help drown out the crying (see #2) when you can just tell they need a few minutes to "work it out" before any settling techniques will be effective. Others have recommended ear plugs, which I'm sure works too. But I think there's an added therapeutic bonus to belting out your favorite tunes. Playing your favorite music also provides a nice opportunity for impromptu dance parties in the kitchen with your spouse. :) (Try it! You'll be glad you did!)

4. Indulge in a long hot shower. When inevitably you find yourself debating what's more important, ten extra minutes of sleep or a shower, choose the shower. I don't think I've ever regretted that choice. A nice hot shower is rejuvenating and, at least in our experience, really helps when the sleep deprivation is getting to you.  

5. Set realistic expectations. This goes for both the babies and yourself! I'm not saying you shouldn't have goals, but expecting too much too soon will just leave you feeling sad/frustrated/hopeless when whatever it is doesn't happen. When you're caring for three babies there isn't a lot of extra time in the day, even when you have an extra set of hands!  On a "good nap" where all babies go down smoothly and sleep for an hour plus, you maybe have half an hour to get something accomplished. And likely, not all naps will be good so sometimes you might have just enough time to pee and grab a snack before it's time to start the next feeding/diapering/playtime/nap routine. So, sure, sometimes you can get a load of laundry in, make a quick meal, sweep the floors, or catch up on an email or two, but some days just one of those tasks might take you all day to actually finish. I think this is really important for spouses who aren't home all day to remember too!

I guess if you boil it down, what we've learned over these first few months is that being a mom is hard work and being a mom to three little babies at once is really hard work. It is important to remember that and give yourself credit for everything you are doing when the things you're not doing (dishes, cleaning, laundry, calling someone back, doing schoolwork, working out, etc) seem overwhelming. Do what you can do and remember to take little moments here and there to take care of yourself too! And soak up all the positive baby energy you can (smiles, cuddles, etc) to help you through the tough times!

Home sweet home & triplet travel tips

Well we officially survived our first round trip road trip with triplets!  We got home a day later than planned but we made it.  We got home a little before 10pm, almost 12 hours after we started the 9.5/10 hour drive.  The house feels like a chaotic mess which drives both Michelle and I crazy.  We had to force ourselves to stop picking up/putting things away after the babies were fed and in bed so that we could sleep for as long as they'd let us, which turned out to be about three hours.  We are looking forward to being back in our familiar environment and in our familiar routines. Though we will miss all the extra baby holders!

Before I forget them, I thought I'd jot down a few of the lessons we learned on this trip, both so we can look back on this before the next trip and for anyone else planning a road trip with triplet infants.

1) Don't pack as many clothes, especially when it is Xmas time and you have easy access to laundry. The kiddos mostly rotated between the holiday sleepers and outfits they got as gifts since we did baby laundry at least once a day to keep a clean supply of burp cloths and swaddlers.  Also pack an extra set or two of swaddlers. We had one extra, but a few times I wished we'd had two when they peed through or spit up on the one they were wearing.

2) Hotel lobbies are hands down the best places to stop to nurse and change three babies. They are clean, not usually terribly busy, and the front desk people either didn't say anything to us (despite curious glances) or were very nice and accommodating. We stopped at a Best Western, a Hampton Inn, & a Hilton Garden on this trip.  As you would guess the Hilton was the best and we got to nurse in front of a fireplace and a TV playing the end of the movie Ice Age. :)

3) Pack an extra bottle or two for tiding babies over while driving. The plus for the minivan was that whenever there was fussing one if is could crawl to the back seat to provide pacifiers or a bottle as needed.  Feeding en route is less than ideal, but it can get you through some rough patches until you're able to stop for real.

4) Pack real food for yourself for meals. We had snacks out the wazoo but didn't have lunch/dinner type food packed and that was a mistake. We ended up eating at Arby's and Taco Bell just because it was the fastest food option that would get is back on the road quickly, but that was a first for us in years and made us feel gross.  Next time we will make and pack sandwiches and/or salads for the drive. One tip if you do have to do fast food is to send one parent rather than doing the drive thru because then the other parent can just keep driving in circles.  I swear I drove ten times around the Taco Bell and I'm pretty sure any cars in the drive thru thought we were nuts (unless they remember having little ones sleeping in the car.). Driving in circles also works well for quick rest stop pee breaks.

5) If you're going to pump in the car, try to get your hands on an AC converter. I mentioned how our batteries died on the way there and it was a major hassle to stop for new ones. On the way back Tracy let us borrow her AC adaptor and that worked much better!

6) Have more than one set of extra clothes easily accessible for the drive. Each of the kiddos had a pooplosion (as we like to call poop explosions), requiring a change of clothes. We also had two spit-up related sleeper changes.  By the way, Michelle's autocorrect on her iPhone has now learned the word pooplosion. :). 

That's all I can think of right now. As we suspected, the transition back to home and normal routines has been mixed. It's easier to be home where everything is set up the way we're used to it. It is not easy though getting the babies back to napping/sleeping in their cribs and not always being held during awake time after a week of being held so much. I love that they got so much love and cuddle time on vacation but the reality is that at home they can't always be held so I think we might be in for it for a while. Avery, our top traveler, seems to be having the hardest time with the adjustment. Ok, time to try to catch a bit of shut eye. 

Road trippin' with triplets

We didn't arrive until 2:15 a.m. (3:15 our time), but we made it!  Overall, the trip wasn't that bad, which is not to say that we didn't have a few mishaps. We started off on bad foot when we got 20 min into the trip and I realized we'd forgotten the bottles in the fridge. So we got out of the house ovee an hour later than I'd hoped and then had an additional forty minute do-over.  

All the kiddos fell asleep pretty quickly and slept until shortly before the Pennsylvania/Ohio border, when one by one they started fussing which quickly turned into wailing. We were hoping to make it to the first Ohio rest stop to feed them but wouldn't you know that rest stop was closed! So we got off at the next town.  While evaluating our options (McDonald's, BK, & Arbys) Michelle noticed a Best Western and thought that might be a better spot for feeding babies.  The plan was just to walk in and start feeding, figuring someone would have to be pretty bold so come up to us and complain.  But when we walked in the front desk person was super friendly in greeting us, so Michelle just asked her if we could feed our three hungry babies here and she said "of course!"  That was a great call on Michelle's part because it was completely empty, had subdued lighting, and an easy access clean bathroom.  

I call this the double cross-over burp move!

Nursing Avery & bottle feeding Ellie

     

  Diaper change & car seat break station

The kiddos weren't too happy to get back in their car seats and had quite the little chorus while we were in the Arby's drive thru so we could grab a bite to eat. But I randomly started singing "wheels on the bus" and magically they all stopped crying!!  They all slept nicely again for a while. The next time they started stirring I joined them in the back and continually put pacifiers in; it felt a little like trying to plug the holes in a leaky dike!  Our second stop was at an Indiana rest stop near Elkhart. This was not nearly as nice of a place to feed babies!  The only way to not sit near a kind of sketchy dude meant sitting near a leaky ceiling!  But we manages and I pulled double duty again, nursing Avery while feeding Ellie a bottle. I did all the diapers at our first stop so Michelle did the second--boy did I luck out!! She had three big poopy diapers at our second stop. 

Rest stop booth diaper change station

    

The precarious leaky ceiling of impending doom

 Packed up & ready for the home stretch

Because she'd only fed one baby and there was a pretty long interval between, Michelle was getting particularly desperate to pump. So I drove after the second stop so she could pump. She got all set up and turned the pump on, or should I say tried to turn the pump on! Apparently the batteries had died!  And of course we'd already pulled out of the rest stop!  So we made two additional stops to find batteries to operate the pump! Just what we needed on an already long drive!  Did I mention it was raining for the second half of Ohio and super foggy all across Indiana?!?  Needless to say, we are glad we made it and ready for a little snooze now! Fingers crossed the babies are down with this whole napping thing!!!  

Sleep boot camp

I borrowed the name for this post from my friend Heather who told me her twins were currently on sleep boot camp after reading my post about the late night antics.  Our babies are in sleep boot camp too as of Friday night. We have been debating when to really start sleep training for a few weeks now.  Okay debating makes it sound like we both had a strong opinion and were trying to convince the other person, when actually it was more like us randomly tossing out pros and cons of different timing. Some books say you can start right away and others say to wait until six weeks post due date, which for us wouldn't be until Christmas Eve. (Talk about a horrible time to start sleep training!!). We've been using what Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins calls the "check & console" strategy up until this week.  In check & console you go to them pretty much right away each time they cry, trying to settle then with as little intervention as possible.  We've been doing this for weeks and about half the time it was feeling like we were just making things worse when we went in.  (Of course most of the sleep books we've read say this is best done by the father because he doesn't smell like breastmilk...so that might be part of our problem!)  Anyway, because we weren't feeling great about what we've been doing we decided it was time to up the ante and try "controlled crying." As always, they get rocked, shushed, and soothed until they are drowsy but awake, then if they start crying we set a five minute timer and wait those five minutes before going in to settle them back to sleepyland.  The next time we wait ten minutes before going in and the next 15 minutes.

For the most part, they've been doing great and have been going down smoothly for most naps and in the middle of the night, but late afternoon/evening time is rough. It's been getting a little better each night, but they never all go down in the evening without crying.  They've always had the hardest time in the evening so this is nothing new.  It's just a tough time of day and is definitely the most frustrating because they seem so out of it and then BAM, they're screaming.  And I think if it was just one baby, it really wouldn't seem like much at all, but with three babies it's a different story. We get them all settled down and walk out of the room feeling super accomplished and pleased that all three babies are quiet.  But then before you know it someone crying.  So we wait then go in, settle the crying baby and cross our fingers.  Sadly, we often walk out of the room and sit down only to have another one start up. They are usually settling on their own and we often get a couple minutes into their five minute timer and everyone is quiet and calm, but they aren't always staying that way for the rest of the nap time.  Fortunately it hasn't happened super often, but there have been a few times when all three are crying and it's a veritable symphony.  People ask us if they wake each other up and in general we say no, but when they are trying to fall asleep then it seems like one crying baby can get one or both of the other babies ramped up.  Isaiah and Avery sometimes seem like they are psychically connected the way they can ramp each other up!

We are starting to learn each of their cries and can usually tell who it is that is crying before we open the app on our phone to check the video feed.  Occasionally Ellie stumps us because when she gets mad she can sound like Avery.  Isaiah probably has the most distinctive cry and sounds like a broken record skipping when he cries when fighting sleep.  The nice thing about knowing their cries is that we feel pretty confident that we know when it's an "I'm fighting sleep" cry versus a "something is wrong" cry and can attend to them differently.

But no matter how you spin it, this is definitely a trying time in our house.  It is born out of necessity because we were going crazy going in to soothe every two seconds and sometimes felt like we could just move from one crib to the next to the next, but it's still not fun to hear them cry.  Like I said most times are fine, but evenings can really wear us down.  We have been having a lot of conversations about how we can take care of ourselves and each other right now.  Michelle in particular has been struggling with the evenings so I'm giving her the evening off tonight and sending her and Jess to go see Frozen, the new Disney movie.  Hope is helping me with the 5pm feeding then heading to rugby practice so I'll be on my own for about an hour.  I know it's going to be tough, but I'm mentally preparing myself and have done a lot of prep like getting bottles ready and treats for myself.   Wish me luck!!!

A few cute pics to make us all smile and remind me how cute they are.  Michelle and I have joked that we should get a projector and project adorable photos of them on our ceiling at night to remind us how much we love them when we're struggling in the middle of the night. =)

Let's hope we dont have any of this nonsense!!

And that we do see a lot of this

And even more of this!!!

Some highlights from Grandma Rae & Grandpa Mark's visit

I'm not ready to say goodbye, but my mom and dad have to head home today.  Their help over the past three weeks has been incredible and it makes me nervous that they are leaving!  Anyone that knows my dad will not be surprised to hear that he has been an energizer bunny style worker.  He has attacked our overgrown yard with a vengeance.  I soooo wish we had taken before and after photos, but we did get a few pictures of the great work he did in the yard.  It is going to make it so much more manageable for me to maintain next spring and summer.  In addition to all the work outside Dad also deep cleaned our house including cleaning baseboards, using a magic eraser on the walls, washing windows and screens, etc!

the view from our carport just before dusk after clearing out

clearing out the brush-filled dog run for Humphrey

this was completely overgrown and hidden

the pretty rock garden uncovered

He also power washed all our strollers and outdoor toys, braving the chilly weather shirtless

Mom has been the queen of the laundry and has been in charge of keeping us fed!  I can't even count how many loads of laundry she has done and the number of diapers she has folded!  Whenever e couldn't find Mom, it was a good bet that she was in the basement switching laundry!  They've also made sure we were well fed and not yet dipping into our freezer stash of food.  Mom has also helped manage the milk stash making sure that the milk is getting frozen every day.

We're going to run out of space in the freezer soon at this rate!

Mom's system for line drying diaper covers

one load of diapers and cloth wipes

2-3 days worth of sleepers

And of course, in addition to all these "chores" they have also helped with a million diaper changes and lots of baby soothing and loving!

Humphrey making sure Grandma & Grandpa are doing a good job!

Mom enjoying Ellie

Mom's attempt to keep two babies quiet & finish her lunch while we slept

Dad trying to multi-task =)  *note his finger holding Ellie's pacifier in!

We are really going to miss having two sets of extra hands around to help with diapering, burping, and soothing babies!  But they're leaving us and our house in much better shape than they found them and we certainly appreciate that!  We're all looking forward to their next visit in May.  Hard to believe that they will be rolling and starting to sit up by then!