Friday, July 12, 2013

Sleepless nights...

I just hit the "publish" button on the baby shower post that I wrote last night before we went to bed and the upbeat tone and joy from the weekend feels lost to me this morning.  Michelle has had a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of nights.  Tuesday and Wednesday nights she had trouble falling asleep and woke up often throughout the night.  So last night at dinner we decided to try "winding down" earlier to see if that would help her fall asleep before midnight or 2am.  We got into bed around 8:30, watched one show on Hulu, and then Michelle took a bath because she was itchy and restless.  She looked like she was going to fall asleep in the bathtub so I was optimistic when she came to bed. We both fell asleep pretty quickly, but then Michelle woke up around midnight and couldn't get back to sleep.  I was in and out of sleep from 12-2:30 checking on her, listening to her distress over not sleeping, trying to come up with reasonable suggestions, and then dozing off again briefly. 

I am, and have pretty much always been, a good sleeper.  If you ask my mom she can regale you with stories about funny conversations she had with me while I was sleeping and hilarious things I did while sleep walking as a child.  While I think I have stopped sleep walking, Michelle can attest that sometimes I still talk in my sleep and sometimes I'm not very nice when I'm sleeping or half-awake.  I know this so I've been really trying to wake myself up and be nicer during these late nights (a skill that I'm sure will come in handy when the babies are here too).  As I'm sure Michelle would tell you too, I am a "fixer" by nature.  When someone has a problem I want to fix it and I have been working on knowing when being a "fixer" is okay and when she just needs me to listen and empathize.  Last night might not have been a stellar example because I know I just wanted to fix it for her and find a way for her to sleep.  She was sooooo tired and sooooo miserable because she couldn't sleep.  Ultimately, none of my wonderful suggestions (watching a movie, listening to a relaxation app on the iPad, etc) were of any use.  I tried to suggest that we just get up for the day and make breakfast at 3am because by this time I felt pretty wide awake, but Michelle wouldn't have it and made me go back to bed.  She woke me at 6 because she still hadn't slept and was so tired that she couldn't stop crying. =(  It was heartbreaking.  I got up and we took a short walk around the neighborhood and made a yummy breakfast of fresh blackberry pancakes, eggs, and bacon and then I sent her to bed to try to rest for an hour or so.  As I write this I think (HOPE) she is fast asleep and it will break my heart again to have to wake her in 10 minutes, but she has a stats midterm exam this morning at 9:30.

It isn't fair that she can be this tired and not sleep.  I feel sad to not be with awake with her and just "there" as she struggles with this and she feels sad that she's disturbing my sleep. It's a no-win situation.  Of course when you look on the internet for suggestions you just find everything we've tried which leads to a sense of hopelessness.  I know, or at least I think, that this negative association and sense of failure about sleeping is probably just making things worse but I don't know how to break that or alter that mindset.  In the past, when Michelle has had a run of insomnia (though I don't remember it ever being this bad) she's gotten "back on track" by taking Tylenol PM or something like that for a few nights.  Michelle's been really cautious about taking medications during this already high risk pregnancy, but I think it might be time to try some Tylenol PM tonight.  I did some research this morning and it looks like it's on the Category B list, or "highly unlikely to cause problems in pregnancy," which is good.  I think both mama and babies need her to get a good night's sleep tonight.  Here's hoping!!!  (see how I just ended this totally downer post on a positive and hopeful note!)  =)

1 comment:

  1. Whoa, I think all who read this also feel the helplessness. I will spare Mari and not share any of those stories from her childhood and being asleep and talking, etc.....


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